Happy New Year... from ABBA!!

It just doesn't get better than this. The terrible hair, the skinny ties, the cheesy song, the piano, the Farrah Fawcett look, the vomit. Oh wait, that last one was just me. I keed! I keed! Actually I like this cheeseball song and I like ABBA. So there. Fernando anyone?

So, from the 1980 album Super Trouper, I give you...

Year End Movie Wrap 2007

This just in... I see a lot of movies. I probably go to the theater 30 times or so per year and try to catch other releases I missed on DVD. But I'll say this... if you're not going to the theater you're really not seeing the movies how they're meant to be. That setting, although sometimes loud and filled with rude people, is movie heaven. If you didn't see The Simpsons on the big screen, for instance, you basically saw a 90 minute episode. But on the massive screen with a theater full of people laughing and cheering at Bart's doodle... priceless.

So anyway, I guess I saw about 60 movies this year that were released in the calendar year 2007. Still, I always miss a few that probably would have made my list. My biggest regret this year is not catching Sean Penn's Into The Wild. I really wanted to see that one but never got out to it. But anyway, I guess I still saw plenty. Here's some year-end lists.

Favorite Actors:

Casey Affleck in Gone Baby, Gone
Gerard Butler in 300
Christian Bale in Rescue Dawn and 3:10 To Yuma
Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men
Denzel Washington in American Gangster

Favorite Actresses:

Michelle Monaghan in Gone Baby, Gone
Julia Stiles in The Bourne Ultimatum
Jessica Biel in I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry
Megan Fox in Transformers
Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up

Favorite Horror Movies of 2007

10. Wrong Turn 2: Dead End
9. Hostel: Part II
8. Hatchet
7. Saw IV
6. I Am Legend
5. The Mist
4. Halloween
3. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
2. 28 Weeks Later
1. 30 Days of Night

Favorite Animated Movies of 2007

8. Meet The Robinsons (3-D)
7. Bender's Big Score
6. Surf's Up
5. Shrek The Third
4. Beowulf (3D)
3. Bee Movie
2. Ratatouille
1. The Simpson's Movie

Favorite Comedies of 2007

6. Blades of Glory
5. Wild Hogs
4. Music and Lyrics
3. Hot Fuzz
2. Superbad
1. Knocked Up

Best of Show 2007

10. Reign Over Me
9. The Kingdom
8. American Gangster
7. Rescue Dawn
6. No Country For Old Men
5. Gone Baby, Gone
4. 3:10 To Yuma
3. 300
2. Pan's Labyrinth
1. The Bourne Ultimatum

Funnest Popcorn Flicks of 2007

5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
2. Transformers
1. Live Free Or Die Hard

Movies I Really Liked But Didn't Fit On Any Of My Other Lists

Shooter
Live Free Or Die Hard
1408
Mr. Brooks
Black Snake Moan
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Hannibal Rising

UFC 69 Wrap and Sunday Funnies

Solid pay-per-view last night from the UFC I thought. In the main event Georges St. Pierre dominated Matt Hughes and won with Hughes tapping out in the 2nd round after being whipped for both rounds. Hughes was humbled and said flat out that Georges was just the better fighter afterwards.

Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva waged a 3 round war that lived up to it's billing as the most anticipated fight maybe ever in the UFC. It went the distance, but I'd have loved to see 2 more rounds of them trading punches and kicks. Never much of a dull moment. Chuck is back in the win column, but I look forward to seeing Wanderlei fight again already. Well, after his face heals of course.

In the other bouts, Eddie Sanchez beat Soa Palelei in a dull fight, Lyoto Machida stayed undefeated by dominating Sokoudjo, and bad blood continued after Rich Clementi dominated Melvin Gulliard as Rich said in his post-fight interview "Go practice some jiu-jistu, Melvin". Classic! They also showed the undercard fight where Manny Gamburyan got a nasty ankle lock on Nate Mohr to force the tap.

Great show overall.

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Now on to my usual Sunday morning stuff... comics!

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Movie Review: Sweeney Todd

Based on the hit Broadway musical which tells the infamous story of Benjamin Barker, a.k.a Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp), who sets up a barber shop down in London which is the basis for a sinister partnership with his fellow tenant, Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter).

Together again, director Tim Burton and freak Johnny Depp (and I mean that in the most flattering way) team up for the sixth time. They previously made Edward Scissorhands (1990), Ed Wood (1994), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), and Corpse Bride (2005) together. If you love those films, you know what to expect. This is a musical in the fullest sense, and it's also dripping with blood.

The violence somehow isn't cartoonish yet it's not really overly offensive for the squeamish I thought, as it's executed in a way that doesn't focus on it. There's a lot more focus on the songs and settings that seems to take the edge off of it. But still, it's loaded with violent acts. It's grim, it's dark and it's just a good story too that's nearly perfectly cast and acted. Even Sacha Baron Cohen, aka Borat, in his role didn't make me want to punch his face in. Imagine that. In typical Tim Burton fashion, it's very stylistic and the sets and world he's created look beautiful.

It's every bit as much a horror film as a musical. Yes, that's a combination I just didn't think I'd like, but I could tell at about the 30 minute mark that I was watching a classic. I will say that it's not for everyone though. Those who really dislike musicals won't take to it any more than those repulsed by blood-stained cinema will.

Personally, I thought it rocked. Bravo again Mr. Burton.

8.5/10

Movie Review: National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates (Nic Cage) looks to discover the truth behind the assassination of Abraham Lincoln and clear his family's name, by uncovering the mystery within the pages missing from assassin John Wilkes Booth's diary.

I think the best way to summerize this movie to say "it's exactly what I expected". Nothing new or special, but more code-cracking, mystery solving, preposterous conspiracies and national landmarks abound. I am by no means saying this in a bad way, I'm just telling you what to expect. I enjoyed the first film and thought the same about this one... lots of fun. If you liked the first film, this holds very true to form. If you hated the first film you're gonna hate this.

This franchise has sort of become the Indiana Jones of American history I guess. Well, a fictionalized Hollywood account of American history anyway. If you decide to really think about this film... well, just don't. It's a big, dumb, fun popcorn movie that you're not supposed to think about.

Witty wisecracks from Riley keep some laughs coming and there is a lot of action to keep the plot moving along. If you want intellectually stimulating, realistic history lessons... move right along, nothing to see here.

This is just another helping of ridiculous, treasure-seeking fun.

7.5/10

p.s. as an added bonus... there's a Goofy cartoon running before this that rules

Movie Review: The Water Horse

Set in Scotland during WWII, a lonely boy discovers a mysterious egg that hatches a sea creature of Scottish legend, the Loch Ness Monster.

All the characters here are well developed and the acting, special effects and cinematography are really nice I thought. The movie itself is a bit predictable and corny at times, but it is a good family film with a lot of fun adventurous scenes and action. It tends to drag a bit in the middle though and may run a little too long. The WWII occupation and father off in the war may be a bit much to keep small kid's interest, but there's enough cutesy action to keep them attentive often enough.

It reminded me a whole lot of the short-lived TV series Invasion, where the boy finds a pet "monster" and grows attached. Not many people watched that show apparently (but me) so let me say it also compares to a cross somewhere between Free Willy and ET.

It's a fine movie for the family I think, but really young ones might freak out during some of the more tense scenes. That's probably why it's rated PG.

If I had to describe it in 1 word... cute.

6.5/10

Movie Review: Hallowed Ground

After she becomes stranded in a small town, a young woman (Jaimie Alexander) discovers her arrival there was foretold a century earlier by the town's founding preacher and that she is an integral part of his impending - and terrifying - rebirth.

C'mon. Seriously? Somebody driving alone has car trouble and happens upon a small town full of evil? Again? How many times has this happened in horror movie history? I'd dare guess it's over 10,000. And guess what... the perverted looking gas monkey can't get the part she needs until the next day. People, keep those cars in working order and buy a GPS and these horror movies might cease to exist. I'd hope the popularity of cell phones would also knock off some of these "isolated hick town" horror films, but everyone just seems to stare at their phone and say "no signal!" and presto... horror begins. Ironically enough, Jaimie Alexander was also in Rest Stop, which is yet another "help me I'm isolated without a cell phone" movie.

But anyway... moving right along. This movie ends up being one of those "chase films", where the townsfolk spew biblical passages (ohhhh creepy) and try to catch the girl time after time. Lots of running, hiding and pursuing. There is a scarecrow guy stalking around the cornfield, but he just didn't strike much fear into me really. I mean he's made of straw, seems like a match would have solved a lot of her problems.

The setting of the cornfield for scenes is pretty good though, sort of like the classic Children of the Corn. But that's about all the good I can find to say about this film I guess. Bad acting, characters acting irrational, stupid plot, an ending out of nowhere, little or no scares at all, corn vines (yes, vines of corn I think) restrain someone and a women smothers a man to death with a pillow. I'm not kidding. She also promises to protect a little girl, then leaves her moments later.

Bad.

2/10

Movie Review: P.S. I Love You

Based on the novel by Cecilia Ahern, in which a young widow (Hillary Swank) discovers that her late husband (Gerard Butler) has left her 10 messages intended to help ease her pain and start a new life.

OK, this film just screams chick flick but it's really not that bad. It's part comedy, part romance and part drama led by an excellent cast.

Hillary Swank plays the part of the widow very well and the scenes that she shares the screen with her mother, Kathy Bates, bring a lot of star power... there's 3 Oscars and 4 Golden Globes between the 2 of them. Gerard Butler, who I loved in 300 earlier this year, is charming and easy to like in his role as the fun-lovin', beer drinkin', guitar playin', philosophy slingin' deceased Irish hubby. Harry Connick Jr and Lisa Kudrow (Friends) provide some comic relief nicely. For the ladies who tire of Gerard, there's also Jeffrey Dean Morgan (who played Denny in Grey's Anatomy). All involved are likeable as their characters.

There's some nice chemisty between Hillary and Gerard I think. She's completely distraught when she loses him and they do a nice job of showing why and how deeply in love they were. The film is told with a lot of flash backs of the young couple's life, and you get to spend some time in New York City to Ireland and the director does a nice job of capturing the feel of both. I found the music to be a lot of fun also, highlighted by Flogging Molly's "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" and The Pogues "Love You 'Til The End".

Not incredibly original, not incredibly moving, but it's a fun movie. It tends to get a bit schmalty or too gooey at times, but hey whaddya expect? I told you it's a chick flick. Also, it might have been a bit better if they'd trimmed maybe 15 or 20 minutes from it.

Critics have been pretty harsh on this movie but I liked it. I mean this film isn't going to win any Academy Awards for anybody involved or anything, but it'll make a lot of people smile. I did.

6/10

Merry Christmas To All

I sat on some fat, creepy guy's lap last night. No, not John Madden. Santa Claus. Well, that's what he said anyway, but he sort of smelled of gin and salmon. Didn't keep me from telling him a few things I'd like to have for Christmas though, despite the whole naughy/nice thing. I ain't askin' for much here.

1. Please miraculously heal Willie Parker and Aaron Smith so my Pittsburgh Steelers can have a shot in the playoffs. Santa heals right? Hey, Mr. Miyagi could.

2. Have the St. Louis Cardinal's front office actually make a move that improves the team from last year's sub-500 squad. An idea apparently lost on them.

3. An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, despite the distinct fact that I could possibly shoot my eye out.

4. A Tickle-Me Tom Brady doll. They make those right?

5. World peace. But if you can't pull off world peace as least stop all the pop-ups and ad-ware from running, that's a good start.

Have a Merry Christmas everybody!

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More Sunday Funnies

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Attack of the New Films!

Lots of new movies right before the holiday, but first a couple of quick gripes.

Gripe #1 - The Jessica Simpson highlight reel. Sports talk has been dominated by this whole story all week, like Tony Romo was distracted by her being at his game. My first complaint is that they kept showing her every minute on the game to begin with. I know she's a "celebrity" supposedly, but this is pro football. If I want to see her reactions to football plays or if I gave 2 squirts who any player in the league was dating I'd watch Entertainment Tonight, and I don't. Tony Romo is a pro QB and in the last year he's been one of the best in the game. He cost them a playoff game last year by botching a hold on a FG and it didn't faze him 1 bit. I assure you, the Eagle's pressure defense and his injured thumb had more to do with bad play than a woman sitting in the luxury box. Enough.

Gripe #2 - The Vatican has slammed the new movie The Golden Compass and asked New Line film studio not to distribute it. They called it "most anti-Christian film possible". Yes, this is the same Vatican that has been outed to have a 40-year-old confidential document that's a blueprint for deception and concealment of sexual abuse of children (and animals for that matter). It covered obscene acts perpetrated by a cleric with "youths of either sex or with brute animals (bestiality)" and threatens those who speak out with excommunication, allowing some to have as many as 30 victims. And they're worried about a fictional fantasy movie where people ride polar bears. Seriously?

But alrighty then, looks like the local Multiplexes will be hoppin' this weekend with no less than 5 new movies set to take on Alvin and his chipmunk friends and Will Smith and his zombie friends. Check out the new stuff:


War, adventure, romance, musical horror and comedy? What more could you ask for! Let's investigate further.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

The Plot: Tracking down the missing pages of John Wilkes Booth's diary is the first step in treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates's (Nic Cage) plan to uncover a worldwide conspiracy.
My Thoughts: I thought the first film in this series was fun... very DaVinci Code or Indy Jones. This looks like more of the same.



Walk Hard: The Dewy Cox Story

The Plot: A mockumentary look at the life of fictional music legend Dewy Cox (John C. Reilly) and his turbulent, "Behind the Music"-like career.
My Thoughts: Looks like big dumb fun ala Ricky Bobby or something. I'll check it out for some laughs.



P.S. I Love You

The Plot: A widow (Hillary Swank) discovers love letters written by her recently deceased husband (Gerard Butler) that are meant to help her begin the next chapter of her life.
My Thoughts: I'd rather take a fork to the eye. How could Gerard go from the awesome movie 300 to this?

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street

The Plot: In 19th century London, Benjamin Barker (Johnny Depp) opens a barbershop upstairs from Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), a baker of special meat pies; theirs is a sinister relationship.
My Thoughts: A horror musical? This looks too weird for me even, but I do love both Depp and director Tim Burton. My curiosity is peaked.



Charlie Wilson's War

The Plot: Enigmatic Texas congressman Charlie Wilson (Tom Hanks) and his CIA allies orchestrate that agency's most successful covert op: the arming of the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan during their war with the Soviet Union.
My Thoughts: I love Tom Hanks, but that plot sounds about as boring as watching election coverage on CNN. I'll pass.

Movie Review: No Country For Old Men

Violence and mayhem ensue after a hunter stumbles upon some dead bodies, a stash of heroin and more than $2 million in cash near the Rio Grande.

Wow. What a "different" movie this was. It's from directors Ethan and Joel Coen, so I sort of knew what to expect going in, being a fan of Fargo, Raising Arizona, O' Brother Where Art Thou and The Big Lebowski. But this movie is similar yet different. Sure, it's quirky and not very straight forward, but it's also much more brooding and suspenseful while the subtle comedy is only in the form of black humor. As with other Coen films, there's a lot of attention to detail. And oh, there is violence. Buckets of brutal violence.

Tommy Lee Jones is excellent as usual as a Texas sheriff. Perfectly cast. Josh Brolin and Woody Harrelson also both rock in their roles. But the guy who I thought really stole the show is named Javier Bardem. He plays a psychopathic killer named Anton Chigurh and his two weapons of choice are a silenced shotgun and air-compressed gun used to kill cattle. He's like an evil old west version of The Terminator or something.

Oddly enough, there was no music in the film. It seemed to amp up the suspense and I actually jumped in my seat a few times.

Overall, the picture it paints is bleak. The dialog is dead-on, and I found it to just be very intriguing storytelling.

Lots of people talk about how it ended, and I would have liked a different ending maybe too. I'm not sure what would have been appropriate though. It's just dark and cynical.

I'd file this somewhere between Raising Arizona and Natural Born Killers.

8.5/10

Million Dog March?

Panelists discuss whether animals should play a more active role in the fight for their rights by participating in marches or organizing boycotts.


Should Animals Be Doing More For The Animal Rights Movement?

Movie Review: Showdown At Area 51

Another Sci-Fi Channel original, in this one 2 aliens who crash on Earth must find a buried weapon that will destroy the planet and their own society if not stopped.

Also known as "Alien vs. Alien" it stars Jason London (Dazed and Confused, Jason and the Argonauts) and is extremely low budget, I'm guessing it was made for a few hundred dollars actually. OK, I kid... but only barely. The special effects aren't special. Hell the "aliens" are just dudes in space suits with fancy weapons. Well, one of the alien races does have a tattoo on his face and green contact lenses so we can tell instantly he's an alien. Perhaps from the Mike Tyson planet, a place where I'd hoped nobody else was from.

You know the storyline if you've seen any of these Sci-Fi Channel movies, but I'll humor you... these 2 guys in biker outfits, apparently aliens, show up on Earth and get some secret special branch of the government all riled up as they try to retrieve some magic rod or the planet will go boom. Shooting and bad emoting ensues.

Oh yeah, there is some sort of lovey-dovey backstory between Jason London's character and some super codebreaker chick that he used to "break codes with"... if you know what I'm sayin.

Anyway, the aliens fight (in a fight scene that sadly is outdone by WWE Divas weekly on wrestling), government military groups behave badly... yada yada yada... only seconds left for the planet... yada yada yada... our heroes kiss and wonder why they ever broke up. Once again mankind learns that we are not alone and some aliens like to fight each other, possibly because of the facial tats. The end.

2/10

More Sunday Funnies

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Movie Review: I Am Legend

In the year 2012, Robert Neville (Will Smith) finds himself the only healthy survivor of a biological attack, as his fellow New Yorkers have become zombies. By day, Neville hunts the undead who walk the streets; by night, he barricades himself in his home against the mob gathered outside and searches for a cure.

Several attempts have been made at turning this 1954 Richard Matheson novel of the post-apocalypse zombie/mutant genre. There was Charlton Heston's Omega Man in 1971 and the one I'm most familiar with, Vincent Price's The Last Man on Earth in the 1960s, among others. The reason there are several movies is that it's a great story and many ways to tell it. This movie tries more of an action method with lots of chase scenes, edge-of-your seat action and creepiness. It's still pretty heavy on emotion though as the man is fighting his own demons and loneliness while trying to keep from losing his mind.

Will Smith carries the film almost single-handily (with a tip of he hat to the German Shepherd who stole some scenes) much like Tom Hank's had to carry Castaway with his pal Wilson (a volleyball). Not many actors are capable of doing this, but he does it well. He's come a long way since the Fresh Prince of Bellaire.

The city itself looks really cool as Will wanders around and the mutants are scary as all hell. Lots of good work on special effects.

Part horror, part sci-fi... overall it's a solid survivalist tale with a somewhat satisfying climax, but I thought the end could have been better. Still though, very memorable but just short of a classic maybe.

8/10

Movie Review: Next

A Las Vegas magician (Nic Cage) who can see a few minutes into the future is pursued by FBI agents seeking to use his abilities to prevent a nuclear terrorist attack.

First, let me get this out of the way. Jessica Biel is smokin' hot and young enough to be Nic Cage's daughter (18-year difference), so their whole love affair thing sort of creeped me out. I threw up in my mouth just a little bit when they swapped spit. Maybe it was a jealous regurgitation? Anyway, now on to the film.

Nothing terribly new or fresh, it's sort of Groundhog's Day with some action worked in, but I thought that as an action flick it didn't really have much (or enough) action. Also when it tries to be clever it only worked about half the time for me. I think it walked the line between clever and stupid (which is a thin line) too often and basically just got confusing. I could ask so many questions, but pretty much had to just disengage my brain to enjoy it. That's nothing new, hell I do that all the time in movies. I just hate going "huh?" every 5 minutes throughout a film, unless it all comes together in the end to really make sense.

The action that was present was pretty good and there were some good tense scenes that had me on the edge of my seat. I think it could have benefitted from being a little longer really. They could have explained more and probably needed a few more big action scenes. We learn nothing about the terrorists really. Lasty, I won't ruin the ending, but I hated it. It felt abrupt and left me doing some head scratching.

The entire plot is pretty preposterous and illogical but it's still sort of fun in a popcorn flick sort of way. Ignore some plot points, Nic's really bad hair and his May-December love affair and you're all set.

5/10

Movie Review: The Invisible

After an attack leaves him in limbo - invisible to the living and also near death - a teenager discovers the only person who might be able help him is his attacker.

File this under "supernatural teen film". It's part Ghost and part The Sixth Sense which plays more like a Twilight Zone episode for the Abercrombie set, served with side helpings of redemption and teen angst.

I had a lot of questions really while watching, but the hardest thing to buy was how a cute, tiny little teen girl was somehow such a bad ass. Yeah, right. Magically though, when she took off the evil beanie she was wearing, she somehow became good though. Beanie means meanie, hair down means no frown.

In one scene the cops want her for the murder, they find her... but she jumps a chainlink fence to get away. Nobody goes after her, the area wasn't surrounded, nobody shoots her in the leg... nothing. Just an "aww man, we didn't get her" look as she's slowing jogging away. Also, the teen's body is hidden in an area where the police already looked, but for some reason one guy panics (who actually had nothing to do with it) and they decide to move the body... to right by a road where it can be seen... and a few feet from water but not actually in the water for some reason. They never notice the guy is alive either somehow. Then somebody tells the cops and they go to retrieve it, where it's near a dam that is going to open and flood in 15 minutes... but apparently they don't call ahead and tell them to not open the dam for some other unexplained reason. Also the guys "best friend" behaves completely irrationally the entire film.

All-in-all though, minus some of the absurd plot points (like the end, but I won't get into that), it had it's entertaining points I guess. The characters were OK and the movie is sort of slick at times. I liked the soundtrack and keeping with the teen theme, lots of scenes played more like music videos or an episode of The OC.

It doesn't really end up being awful I think, just pretty forgetful.

5/10

Book Review: The Long Last Call

The Long Last Call
by John Skipp

A mysterious stranger shows up at a rural strip club right before closing time, initiating a series of events that escalates beyond anyone's control. The stranger, you see, reveals to the club's denizens their true natures.

John Skipp basically co-founded the horror subgenre known as "spatterpunk", which emphasizes explicit sex and violence as a means of communicating a visceral experience. Lots of blood, gore, sex and guts here while at the same time he tells a pretty captivating story. It's pretty much a look at a dirty side of the human race, as the strippers secretly hate the patrons while trying to get money from them, and the lonely patrons who degrade and despise the strippers for being unatainable to them. It becomes good vs evil at a seedy strip club.

So should I be saying "strippers" or "exotic dancers" to be more politically correct? Or "pole dancers" maybe?

The book has a very good pace and it truely is one of those books for which the old cliche' "you can't put down" holds true. I kept turning the pages to learn more about this stranger and see what was going to happen next. I really like Skipp's writing style, he hooks you from the first chapter and doesn't let off the gas until the final page in this one.

In the end, he leaves a lot of things never really defined and I think the story is too short maybe. Not much is really learned about the stranger, leaving a lot of things open to interpretation of the readers. If you like causes and explanations you probably won't like this. If you like splatterpunk, you probably will.

7/10

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This paperback version I bought also has a 2nd story in it, the novella called Conscience also by John Skipp. It's about a hitman going through self exploration but really I didn't learn much about the guy and I thought it was sort of a weak story personally. Again, a lack of explanation of a lot of things and I was left really wishing it had been a 300 page book with more of his past, what made him tick and how he got as evil as he was and more about the people he worked for. It was just too short to have so many unanswered questions and it left me wanting many.

4/10

Movie Review: Eye Of The Beast

In another Sci-Fi Channel b-movie original, a scientist (James Van Der Beek) tries to save a rural Canadian fishing community from a giant squid that has invaded their previously tranquil lake and is not only snacking up the fish but is now getting hungry for the locals.

Yeah, you probably read that right. Which part sounded the funniest? A giant squid eating people or James Van Der Beek playing a scientist? You probably remember him most from either Dawson's Creek or maybe Varsity Blues. Either way, he's too busy trying to score off the local law enforcement chick in this film to really do much scientifying (maybe I made that word up, but it really should be a word). Despite the body count piling up, these 2 fawn over each other like the monster has landed at Dawson's Creek itself. He even tries to get her drunk to get his sex on at one point. Of course, when needing to know about giant squids, he Googles them. Did I mention he's a scientist?

So back to the giant squid. Yes, a giant squid. In a freshwater lake. You know how I know it's giant? Cause it's tentacles are huge and they yank people off the boat and stuff! It's almost like the tentacles have eyes or something. Lots of tentacle fights, and you know how I love a good tentacle fight. Yes, we do get to see the squid although it probably should have stayed hidden. Against all logic, it rises out of the water at the end... presumably so they can get off a good shot at it (or maybe it was just eyeballing them?). I've eaten scarier squid.

Lots of Jaw's cliches is this thing, but the romance is about as distracting as if Chief Brodie and Quint had tried to hook-up. Also if you only saw the shark's fin for most of the movie... and also think if the shark wasn't really scary. Oh, and you sort of wanted all the characters to die violently. There you have it!

It's sort of funny bad at least. It's a low budget monster flick with zero originality.

2/10

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